The Foreword!
I’m as flustered about life and people as you are however order is a way of life hence I’ve done my best in the manor of the civilized beings to classify, categorize, analyze and interpret the immediate society.. You may be tempted to ridicule it or adorn it as the spice of your life, either way you cannot ignore it…… so tarnish it or ornate it, read through coz that’s why I’m writing it…..
The Walker’s Algorithm : PART I
Point A: The Runtime Environment
The R&D on this algorithm is done over the VIT University sample space and preliminary subjects are persons of opposite sex, any deviation whatsoever has not been recorded.
In terms of hangout options, VIT Universe is a God forsaken place, an oasis of scenic and landscaped beauty perched amidst a concrete jungle that sprouts from the middle of no where in the largely barren western edge of the Katpadi selection-grade town panchayat.
The developers strongly believe that this algorithm can be applied at any campus/workplace/colony verdant with wide and peaceful roads or park-like environs with obvious counterparts of function points and topography described, however the availability of long walking track is quintessential for optimal performance.
We’ve included the official Lover’s Guidebook Map 2007, please download and enlarge if not clear! Changes will be updated with the 2008 version subsequently prior to its release!
Point B: Subject Capture
Taking a typical culture in our Petri-dish i.e. the campus, people arrive here become “frands” and the group grows, girls remain constant and guys undergo all basic arithmetic operations (+,-,*, /) within the group. There definitely is our heroine, the sweet pretty girl and there unquestionably is the desi stud, we would call this sample as ALPHA. And as the group stabilizes, the banter, the hangouts, the trips and parties get merrier! Till comes the ‘wo din’ (vaguely translated as that fateful day) of the eye contact and the awkwardness that sets in and Ah! The harbinger of eternal hope in its atomic form is born!
Over a period of days and weeks (in worst case losers even months) the Alpha bond becomes ever stronger, the duo find no solace in the group (involvement in which has by now become a passion, pride and religion for the others), they feel aloof and out of the world, isolated lighthouses winking at each other amidst a sea of people! Wah Wah!
They burn out their keypads with a zillion SMSs, especial thanks to service providers for carrying forth the delivery report in dearth of which the network is flooded with the same message until it’s delivered!
Here the algorithm really snaps at the speed Einstein called c, thanks to developments in Mobile Telephony and Discount Technology, one fine evening fatefully the last one for a long time to come, the Alpha male switches on to the “frands” special mobile pack with 4 close friends (which are obviously hers and not his) @30p and the golden goose Alpha Female @10p per min. Messaging gives way to late night calls, and every washroom, corridor, staircase, court…. filled with such confidence doubled Alpha males. Shut doors, dim lit rooms are the order of the night, the cheesiest songs make sense now and in no time does the junta get the ‘hints’ and ‘uski bandi’ (loosely translated as his chic/misery) is now invading the hostel lingo. And yes the wait is over! The time has come! We’re ready to enter the walker’s algorithm!
Point C: Inception and its agents
The tenets of logic and reason that ruled the male bastion and shaped the Alpha male’s world so far are threatened by a dangerous virus known only as the “Mush!” symptomatic with red-cheeks on hearing “honeybunch, sugarplum, lovey dovey, janu, sweetoo” and an awful lot more, its already made its way into the domain data dictionary. This extra sugar, over care (like too much milk and sugar) would spoil the taste of rum for us but for the Alpha’s its all the Lassi that matters!
Agent M
M is essentially the catalyst, troubleshooter, counselor, initiator, preservative and a close common friend of the Alphas… to put it simply please welcome Mediatoricus the demigod of multi tasking who “knows” how you feel and “understands” what you want!
In 99.9% of the samples surveyed, M is a female entity…logic is simple as not putting two swords in a scabbard; the quiver can do with many arrows ;-)
The troika capsule now detaches from the command ship main group, tethered only through M, the main group meanwhile suffers from bouts of perplexia as “what’s on yaar” but Alas! The dragon has been unleashed and if you didn’t realize it, its time to call a spade.. A Spade!
The Alphas and M now stick together for most part of the living day, food courts, canteens, coffee-shops pass by and at each of these pit-stops on the laps of the Dakar (not the real African one, its literally a burp!) Rally they spend! Oh! I’m sure you have sympathies with our chivalrous alpha male who’s already set bit operator high enough to “burn my cash baby!” mode.
There’s nothing romantic about it, there’s nothing official about it so far, and since M is present the Mush resigns to night calls and good night, good morning, good afternoon SMS iterative sequences.
The First Day at Cool!
The flights stabilized now and the Alphas hint M that they don’t need the trainer anymore and as she “understands” it, M bails out leaving them on their own!
Don’t ward off M, if she’s a simplymarry.com super specialty agent she would tend to other livestock!
Sleepless and foodless nights are all story book romance now…frankly! The journey begins with a mushy Mush! And hushy Hush! At the Condivia [set all flags to ‘Hey’] and they walk at snails pace to reach pit-stop PS 1, the food court-spend cash-move along the grand trunk to reach PS-2, the coffee is sacrificed by some, from where they again take route to PS 3, The Long Canteen-spend cash-drag at snails pace for the item of the day (can be ice-creams at Aavin’s, Coffee at Akka’s), they’re tired now and it’s the streets are too “crowded”. Its time for “lets sit somewhere” and the favorites here are Green mounts, Akka’s coffee corner, Lovers stairs I and II and determining exactly who will sit where is purely situational, all of them are equally holy to the algorithm for here its is that they sat! The road now leads back to Condivia, it’s still another hour before darkness falls and we reach it!
To throw some milk in your sambhar, the whistle blows of the security-issued in public nuisance and in-time woes push them back from Condivia [set all flags to ‘na jao saiyya’ (Don’t get lost darling)].
In the background: people notice the first day at cool, the deletion of M is taken as a causality and not casually… hearts break and those hopers against hope (who still believed in the “frands” theory) now run for the dope because its now only in hallucinations that the dream girl will shine for you the signal GREEN, for a long time we mean!
Come on Byabee!! Its on!!
Well, this is to certify that the Alpha’s have united, completely and wholly, you are now allowed to honor them, with figs or flint stones, envy them hate them but you can never ignore them!
In true Indian tradition, many a pals from either side of Alpha jump in to carefully and most officiously do the duty of Laxman Bhaiya and ‘jeeja ki saali’ (the dreaded zenith of cheesiness- the sister-in-law).Proud of having accomplished the ‘propose’, they…… WALK! Because that’s all that they can do, as a nutritional viewpoint its great for the body to experience culinary delights of a cosmopolitan campus, on a financial note we call it ‘recession’!
The art of taxonomy, sister-concern of algorithms can be applied to divide Alpha Kumar (toned down by Mush from the Alpha male that he was) into three distinct types:-
a.) The Flaunter: more concerned about the external and the fact he’s got a GIRL, he’s the odd guy who floundered with his appearance and now goes fluctuating in low and high confidence modes depending on seeing people’s reactions on seeing him in algorithm.
b.) Metropolinas: the usual big city guy, uses ‘f*ck’, ‘macha’, ‘dude’, ‘bitches’ as speech punctuators, the pub monger, the disc deewana (mad-man), the rapper dude who jus got up the other day only to realize I’m outta this world! (pseudo intellectuals, Ganza-man etc. can be internal subdivisions).
c.) ‘Pavam’: nice dedicated server who from day one goes “committed”, polite to every one who eyes at him and treats everybody who sees his ‘her’ as an Afghan warlord through a sniper crossbar.
This phase, apart from the cash is typically the staple diet for the algorithm and it is thus the longest iterative algorithm. Though a certain algorithmic routine at love may bore almost all of us, the Alpha’s are blissfully a world apart as for them these are not roads, they are boulevards of heaven and these belligerent security guards, a grim reminder of omnipresent evil around us!
With each iteration, the flippancy, if at all sublimes and the love code is now burnt on to the chips of their brains.
Contact and whatever you may wish to imagine in this section, is usually in the good bye drama sequences in the vicinity of Condivia and if you’re lucky you might spot a rather elusive but exotic ‘Dilwale Dulhaniya…’ (Vampires took the Bride) types I-turn, u-turn buh! bye! sequences.
‘Good night with take care’ messages storm the network as though the lad’s to be drafted the next morning for a posting in Ladakh or the likes. This is how they days go by.. for now!
I’m as flustered about life and people as you are however order is a way of life hence I’ve done my best in the manor of the civilized beings to classify, categorize, analyze and interpret the immediate society.. You may be tempted to ridicule it or adorn it as the spice of your life, either way you cannot ignore it…… so tarnish it or ornate it, read through coz that’s why I’m writing it…..
The Walker’s Algorithm : PART I
Point A: The Runtime Environment
The R&D on this algorithm is done over the VIT University sample space and preliminary subjects are persons of opposite sex, any deviation whatsoever has not been recorded.
In terms of hangout options, VIT Universe is a God forsaken place, an oasis of scenic and landscaped beauty perched amidst a concrete jungle that sprouts from the middle of no where in the largely barren western edge of the Katpadi selection-grade town panchayat.
The developers strongly believe that this algorithm can be applied at any campus/workplace/colony verdant with wide and peaceful roads or park-like environs with obvious counterparts of function points and topography described, however the availability of long walking track is quintessential for optimal performance.
We’ve included the official Lover’s Guidebook Map 2007, please download and enlarge if not clear! Changes will be updated with the 2008 version subsequently prior to its release!
Point B: Subject Capture
Taking a typical culture in our Petri-dish i.e. the campus, people arrive here become “frands” and the group grows, girls remain constant and guys undergo all basic arithmetic operations (+,-,*, /) within the group. There definitely is our heroine, the sweet pretty girl and there unquestionably is the desi stud, we would call this sample as ALPHA. And as the group stabilizes, the banter, the hangouts, the trips and parties get merrier! Till comes the ‘wo din’ (vaguely translated as that fateful day) of the eye contact and the awkwardness that sets in and Ah! The harbinger of eternal hope in its atomic form is born!
Over a period of days and weeks (in worst case losers even months) the Alpha bond becomes ever stronger, the duo find no solace in the group (involvement in which has by now become a passion, pride and religion for the others), they feel aloof and out of the world, isolated lighthouses winking at each other amidst a sea of people! Wah Wah!
They burn out their keypads with a zillion SMSs, especial thanks to service providers for carrying forth the delivery report in dearth of which the network is flooded with the same message until it’s delivered!
Here the algorithm really snaps at the speed Einstein called c, thanks to developments in Mobile Telephony and Discount Technology, one fine evening fatefully the last one for a long time to come, the Alpha male switches on to the “frands” special mobile pack with 4 close friends (which are obviously hers and not his) @30p and the golden goose Alpha Female @10p per min. Messaging gives way to late night calls, and every washroom, corridor, staircase, court…. filled with such confidence doubled Alpha males. Shut doors, dim lit rooms are the order of the night, the cheesiest songs make sense now and in no time does the junta get the ‘hints’ and ‘uski bandi’ (loosely translated as his chic/misery) is now invading the hostel lingo. And yes the wait is over! The time has come! We’re ready to enter the walker’s algorithm!
Point C: Inception and its agents
The tenets of logic and reason that ruled the male bastion and shaped the Alpha male’s world so far are threatened by a dangerous virus known only as the “Mush!” symptomatic with red-cheeks on hearing “honeybunch, sugarplum, lovey dovey, janu, sweetoo” and an awful lot more, its already made its way into the domain data dictionary. This extra sugar, over care (like too much milk and sugar) would spoil the taste of rum for us but for the Alpha’s its all the Lassi that matters!
Agent M
M is essentially the catalyst, troubleshooter, counselor, initiator, preservative and a close common friend of the Alphas… to put it simply please welcome Mediatoricus the demigod of multi tasking who “knows” how you feel and “understands” what you want!
In 99.9% of the samples surveyed, M is a female entity…logic is simple as not putting two swords in a scabbard; the quiver can do with many arrows ;-)
The troika capsule now detaches from the command ship main group, tethered only through M, the main group meanwhile suffers from bouts of perplexia as “what’s on yaar” but Alas! The dragon has been unleashed and if you didn’t realize it, its time to call a spade.. A Spade!
The Alphas and M now stick together for most part of the living day, food courts, canteens, coffee-shops pass by and at each of these pit-stops on the laps of the Dakar (not the real African one, its literally a burp!) Rally they spend! Oh! I’m sure you have sympathies with our chivalrous alpha male who’s already set bit operator high enough to “burn my cash baby!” mode.
There’s nothing romantic about it, there’s nothing official about it so far, and since M is present the Mush resigns to night calls and good night, good morning, good afternoon SMS iterative sequences.
The First Day at Cool!
The flights stabilized now and the Alphas hint M that they don’t need the trainer anymore and as she “understands” it, M bails out leaving them on their own!
Don’t ward off M, if she’s a simplymarry.com super specialty agent she would tend to other livestock!
Sleepless and foodless nights are all story book romance now…frankly! The journey begins with a mushy Mush! And hushy Hush! At the Condivia [set all flags to ‘Hey’] and they walk at snails pace to reach pit-stop PS 1, the food court-spend cash-move along the grand trunk to reach PS-2, the coffee is sacrificed by some, from where they again take route to PS 3, The Long Canteen-spend cash-drag at snails pace for the item of the day (can be ice-creams at Aavin’s, Coffee at Akka’s), they’re tired now and it’s the streets are too “crowded”. Its time for “lets sit somewhere” and the favorites here are Green mounts, Akka’s coffee corner, Lovers stairs I and II and determining exactly who will sit where is purely situational, all of them are equally holy to the algorithm for here its is that they sat! The road now leads back to Condivia, it’s still another hour before darkness falls and we reach it!
To throw some milk in your sambhar, the whistle blows of the security-issued in public nuisance and in-time woes push them back from Condivia [set all flags to ‘na jao saiyya’ (Don’t get lost darling)].
In the background: people notice the first day at cool, the deletion of M is taken as a causality and not casually… hearts break and those hopers against hope (who still believed in the “frands” theory) now run for the dope because its now only in hallucinations that the dream girl will shine for you the signal GREEN, for a long time we mean!
Come on Byabee!! Its on!!
Well, this is to certify that the Alpha’s have united, completely and wholly, you are now allowed to honor them, with figs or flint stones, envy them hate them but you can never ignore them!
In true Indian tradition, many a pals from either side of Alpha jump in to carefully and most officiously do the duty of Laxman Bhaiya and ‘jeeja ki saali’ (the dreaded zenith of cheesiness- the sister-in-law).Proud of having accomplished the ‘propose’, they…… WALK! Because that’s all that they can do, as a nutritional viewpoint its great for the body to experience culinary delights of a cosmopolitan campus, on a financial note we call it ‘recession’!
The art of taxonomy, sister-concern of algorithms can be applied to divide Alpha Kumar (toned down by Mush from the Alpha male that he was) into three distinct types:-
a.) The Flaunter: more concerned about the external and the fact he’s got a GIRL, he’s the odd guy who floundered with his appearance and now goes fluctuating in low and high confidence modes depending on seeing people’s reactions on seeing him in algorithm.
b.) Metropolinas: the usual big city guy, uses ‘f*ck’, ‘macha’, ‘dude’, ‘bitches’ as speech punctuators, the pub monger, the disc deewana (mad-man), the rapper dude who jus got up the other day only to realize I’m outta this world! (pseudo intellectuals, Ganza-man etc. can be internal subdivisions).
c.) ‘Pavam’: nice dedicated server who from day one goes “committed”, polite to every one who eyes at him and treats everybody who sees his ‘her’ as an Afghan warlord through a sniper crossbar.
This phase, apart from the cash is typically the staple diet for the algorithm and it is thus the longest iterative algorithm. Though a certain algorithmic routine at love may bore almost all of us, the Alpha’s are blissfully a world apart as for them these are not roads, they are boulevards of heaven and these belligerent security guards, a grim reminder of omnipresent evil around us!
With each iteration, the flippancy, if at all sublimes and the love code is now burnt on to the chips of their brains.
Contact and whatever you may wish to imagine in this section, is usually in the good bye drama sequences in the vicinity of Condivia and if you’re lucky you might spot a rather elusive but exotic ‘Dilwale Dulhaniya…’ (Vampires took the Bride) types I-turn, u-turn buh! bye! sequences.
‘Good night with take care’ messages storm the network as though the lad’s to be drafted the next morning for a posting in Ladakh or the likes. This is how they days go by.. for now!
1 comment:
couldn't have been better....master piece...also i am proud be an experienced guy of the algorithm.....hAhAhA
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