3rd November 2008.
School of Computing Sciences Farewell Function, VIT
Speech by ME
Respected Chancellor Sir, Dignitaries on the dias….. an MY DEAR FRIENDS and JUNIORS!
A very Good evening to all of you!
I'll try my best to avoid the "Papa Kehte speeches of koi engineer kakaam karega, business mein koi apna naam karega".
Its kind of funny that we have got to bid farewell to this college today only to come back in a few days to give our vivas and sem exams.But then I guess deep somewhere we all realize that this journey is nearing its end, and I'm happy that I got a chance to speak to all myfriends on this occasion.
I think that a farewell speech is probably the ONLY speech wherestudents actually listen to the speaker (well I am hoping at leastthat is the case right now!)
Now that I have your undivided attention, let me not waste time insharing experiences as we were on this journey together and I'm sureall of us of shared this ONE BEAUTIFUL PERIOD at VIT!
It is hard to imagine that in a few days, there will be no classes, nobatches, no seminars, no record submissions, no struggles for the backbenches and copied assignments…. I don't know how life would be without getting up in the morning and running late for class, I don'thow it would be without the best bunch of batch mates one can everwish to have!
Friends, its hard not to get philosophical on such occasions andpardon me but the 'about to be engineer' has just realized that the wheel of time has turned another revolution and we're now at the threshold of emerging into a new world, it leaves me with a sudden surge of emotions.. Something very similar to the feeling I had when my parents dropped me at the hostel three and half years ago….. I am again upset because this place has become my home …. very honestly I confess that it's not just the campus … the school ……. My hostel room……. My teachers …. But I have sincerely fallen in love with all.
It is time I on behalf of the '05 Registration series…. thank all of you, the staff, the management and my juniors and friends for all the encouragement and support we have received through these years at VIT. Friends, VIT has been a great all round learning experience.Apart from the knowledge of the subjects which we studied, VIT has opened our eyes to this world. And at a time where vested interestsare using regionalism as an instrument for subjugating our national integrity, I feel very proud in saying that my university campus is perhaps the most diverse and cosmopolitan campus in the country andthe world.
I have friends from every nook and corner of this vast nation and around the globe. And I for one am extremely proud of this legacy atVIT. I guess no one here deserves greater credit for this than our Honorable Chancellor Sir! It is his vision that has made VIT a truly GLOBAL institute…. Being a VITian is not just about being a student, it is indeed a way of life!
Thank You Sir!
VERY HUMBLY I STATE this …..
our Dean Dr. Khalid sir, my programme manager Dr. Iyengar and myesteemed teachers….
We perhaps have nothing much to offer as GURU DAKSHINA except our deepest heartfelt REGARD, a lot of gratitude and a promise that we shall try our level best to insure that we add to the glory of VIT where ever we go.
THANK YOU juniors for such a wonderful evening that you planned for usI!
Thank you everybody!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Another Secular Cry
I’m shocked. I’m in dismay. Having lived in a relatively cocoon like environ of a cosmopolitan college campus, perched in the southernmost state of India but with the peaceful and very happy coexistence of youth from all across the country and the world, I live in a mirage. Everything is so similar, the aspirations of the youth, the desires, the needs and wishes. We all want to get good jobs, have handsome incomes, do MBAs and higher studies, we want to rule the world and live the Golden Bird India dream.
Living on the better side of the Great Indian Divide which is much talked about these days, I am curious about the other end. Some days cheer you up, with news of skyrocketing development and promising glimpses of a wonderful future and yet most others are grim reminders of what the other India is facing. I do not distinguish this India from the other on financial parameters which are transient anyways, I do not want to harangue over inflation, stocks and oil prices and yet I don’t want to paint a rosy picture of a bright future. My division of India is on the secular and fundamentalist lines, an age old debate but now more relevant than ever.
Development has happened, progress is here to stay, richer shall the nation be but will this phenomenal increase in the GDP amount to Gross National Happiness?
Is this India not aware of the loss of secular identity we face at the hands of Jihadists? Aren’t we turning a blind eye to the atrocious and often state sanctioned violence by VHP, Bajrang Dal etc.? I’m ashamed to read about the Orissa carnage, attacks on churches across Karnataka. I’m unable to comprehend the fact that almost all major cities in the country are being bombed relentlessly; I’m gaping at the polarization that our national fabric has seen. I’m doing what everyone is doing.
I spoke to a Delhi friend about a week after the latest blasts, she told me that the general public would refrain from standing close to luggage at metro stations, avoid people of“typical attire” at parks and markets, and even be careful of even using garbage bins. She spoke an awful lot more about how people spot people as “suspicious” and how the secular temperament is changing…. Saffron and Green never seemed so drifted apart from each other as now.
Pakistan allowed religious fundamentalism to enshrine itself in the roots and core of the country, the armed forces, the educational system, government policies and national ideals since the late 1970s. We know what Pakistan faces today. A largely moderate society is being transformed and no one is safe, everything foreign is hated, the Islamabad Marriott blasts (and innumerable others) are a stark reminder of how deep has the Jihadi penetrated, the comfort to strike at will anyone anywhere. The nation lies in tatters.
Do we wish to let fundamentalism take over in our case of a multi-ethnic multi-religious society?
Be proud of this I read somewhere, a 1960s CIA report claimed India’s internal diversity will cause her collapse in 5 years. We’ve come a long way from then, yet not so far.
Out of all that we have at stake today, our first attempt should be to protect secularism, with every bomb blast and those affected, arrested and blamed- more people from this India move into the other one. The society in Our India is either too berserk minting money, too ignorant or dumb. The silent majority as we claim cannot go silent anymore, the more we sit and watch and ignore these grim reminders of social polarization, more we push us to the ill-fated prospect of balkanization or much worse. You may wish and claim and tout that it shall not happen but if the fundamentalist at both ends are given a free hand, wait 20yrs and see.
If we don’t rescue secularism, all else shall fall. Our only grace, our last chance. I’m still in shock. I’m in dismay and the headline I just read “Sack Jamia Millia Islamia VC: BJP”.
Good Morning India!
Azadi from Kashmir
^^An Indian army soldier, wearing red shirt torn by protestors, is paraded by villagers shouting anti-Indian Army solgans in Bandipore town, 65 kilometers (40 miles) north of Srinagar
I’m sorry if I say this is too loud or barefaced, but what India needs is Azadi (Independence) from Kashmir. From 1948-2008, we have spent 60 long years trying to compromise with a set of people who have never thought of themselves as Indians. In a state with a ‘Prime Minister’ till 1953, the call for ‘liberation’ was never too bleak for the naked eye. Right through the 1970s, 80s they cheered Pakistan, chanted mantras for ‘Freedom Movement’, ‘plebiscite’, ’autonomy’ and with insurgency since 1989 India has been demonized for no sin.
Having poured in billions in aid and billions more in fighting militancy, Indian Army faces the disgrace of being treated as an occupying force in its own territory. They now call for the withdrawal of the Indian forces from the valley; in the eyes of the world, international press, hawkish neighbors and radical regimes Indian forces are gross mutilators of human rights and have made the life of the ‘innocent’ Kashmiri terrible.
Face it: The Army doesn’t enjoy being pushed to the worst possible proxy war with the threat from locals and foreign militants always lingering and a terrorist or two lurking in the dark alleys. The army is called in only when the worst possible breakdown of the constitutional machinery occurs, which was and will be the state of Kashmir eventually.
With thousands of jawans and officers lost to the cause, 20 years later we see this as the India’s worst investment of resources to a thankless people. The fact of the matter is that as a soft-state India hasn’t quashed Kashmir like China has done with Tibet or Israel is doing with Palestinians, we have not done it because we have not been a militarist state, every nation has a state ideology (like the U.S. believes it is the sole guardian of democracy), India more than anything has tried to uphold secular democratic framework of a motley of cultures. Imagine the body-blow the secular state ideology has received when India’s army has to patrol its only Muslim majority state...humiliating!
Why then do we stick to Kashmir when the Kashmiris don’t wish to continue with The Union? The once secular and vividly romantic environs of Kashmir Valley have erupted in August 2008 to let loose all the conceited anger, hatred and filth which had accumulated since decades. The Kashmir v/s Jammu, Hindu v/s Muslim, India v/s Pakistan, Separatist v/s Moderate malevolence strewn across the state has maligned and ‘Paradise Lost’ is more apt than clichéd.
Here’s why..
India sticks to Kashmir as it is the very idea of the Indian secular state and the firm belief that a Muslim-majority Kashmir can be happier, more prosperous in the secular fabric of India than at the hands of a buffer ‘Azad Kashmir’ or a full P-o-K.
India suffers from this bout of ignominy in admitting that in Kashmir, the proving ground for its state ideals, the unity in diversity and associated paraphernalia has collapsed under the weight of dead bodies.
India understands, if Kashmir goes there’ll be no stopping the band-wagon, virtually all NE states and every separatist group would get the booster dose for ‘Liberation’.
India’s eternal romance with paradise crown of Dal Lake, Gulmarg and Wular, the picturesque snow fields where Shammi Kapoor once sang ‘Yahooo!’ is a mainstay to modern Indian geopolitical psyche.
You are free to add as many more….
The common media projection of gullible Kashmiris being played at the hands of Pakistan has fallen on its face as the August demonstrations proved that if one call for protest by the Hurriyat could mobilize 5-lakh ordinary Kashmiris, there is definitely a sense of lack of understanding on our side.
The question is do we still wish to understand, standing at the crossroads of the giant leap to becoming a superpower or falling back to being the world leaders of the third world. Nehru said it and the tryst continues, our destiny is being remolded every second now. Do we wish to carry the burden of a thankless people who haven’t let any progress whatsoever get through them in the past 60 years? Is there a need and logic in attempting reconciliation?
A 100-acre plot of land, that is all it took to bring down the ‘stabilized’ Kashmir rhetoric, that is all it would take for these people to claim sovereignty and oaths of fealty for Pakistan. Indian deserves much better and thus more than ever now, the Kashmiris need to decide what their fate would be:-
a.) With and as a constituent of a resurgent India or
b.)On the whimsical path to Azad Kashmir and dream to be paralyzed into mis-governance and turmoil worse than now (like India’s many neighbors) or
c.) To join the God-forsaken Pakistan, which will be unique for the decades to come in having the Taliban, radical Islamists as well as the Americans against itself and yet serving as their battle theatre, on a plummeting social and economic base.
The radical Sangh Parivar and the dream of ‘Akhanda Bharat’ should take the reality bite and it is time Kashmir and Indian subconscious woke up to the reality. It is Kashmir’s call for the future!
Having poured in billions in aid and billions more in fighting militancy, Indian Army faces the disgrace of being treated as an occupying force in its own territory. They now call for the withdrawal of the Indian forces from the valley; in the eyes of the world, international press, hawkish neighbors and radical regimes Indian forces are gross mutilators of human rights and have made the life of the ‘innocent’ Kashmiri terrible.
Face it: The Army doesn’t enjoy being pushed to the worst possible proxy war with the threat from locals and foreign militants always lingering and a terrorist or two lurking in the dark alleys. The army is called in only when the worst possible breakdown of the constitutional machinery occurs, which was and will be the state of Kashmir eventually.
With thousands of jawans and officers lost to the cause, 20 years later we see this as the India’s worst investment of resources to a thankless people. The fact of the matter is that as a soft-state India hasn’t quashed Kashmir like China has done with Tibet or Israel is doing with Palestinians, we have not done it because we have not been a militarist state, every nation has a state ideology (like the U.S. believes it is the sole guardian of democracy), India more than anything has tried to uphold secular democratic framework of a motley of cultures. Imagine the body-blow the secular state ideology has received when India’s army has to patrol its only Muslim majority state...humiliating!
Why then do we stick to Kashmir when the Kashmiris don’t wish to continue with The Union? The once secular and vividly romantic environs of Kashmir Valley have erupted in August 2008 to let loose all the conceited anger, hatred and filth which had accumulated since decades. The Kashmir v/s Jammu, Hindu v/s Muslim, India v/s Pakistan, Separatist v/s Moderate malevolence strewn across the state has maligned and ‘Paradise Lost’ is more apt than clichéd.
Here’s why..
India sticks to Kashmir as it is the very idea of the Indian secular state and the firm belief that a Muslim-majority Kashmir can be happier, more prosperous in the secular fabric of India than at the hands of a buffer ‘Azad Kashmir’ or a full P-o-K.
India suffers from this bout of ignominy in admitting that in Kashmir, the proving ground for its state ideals, the unity in diversity and associated paraphernalia has collapsed under the weight of dead bodies.
India understands, if Kashmir goes there’ll be no stopping the band-wagon, virtually all NE states and every separatist group would get the booster dose for ‘Liberation’.
India’s eternal romance with paradise crown of Dal Lake, Gulmarg and Wular, the picturesque snow fields where Shammi Kapoor once sang ‘Yahooo!’ is a mainstay to modern Indian geopolitical psyche.
You are free to add as many more….
The common media projection of gullible Kashmiris being played at the hands of Pakistan has fallen on its face as the August demonstrations proved that if one call for protest by the Hurriyat could mobilize 5-lakh ordinary Kashmiris, there is definitely a sense of lack of understanding on our side.
The question is do we still wish to understand, standing at the crossroads of the giant leap to becoming a superpower or falling back to being the world leaders of the third world. Nehru said it and the tryst continues, our destiny is being remolded every second now. Do we wish to carry the burden of a thankless people who haven’t let any progress whatsoever get through them in the past 60 years? Is there a need and logic in attempting reconciliation?
A 100-acre plot of land, that is all it took to bring down the ‘stabilized’ Kashmir rhetoric, that is all it would take for these people to claim sovereignty and oaths of fealty for Pakistan. Indian deserves much better and thus more than ever now, the Kashmiris need to decide what their fate would be:-
a.) With and as a constituent of a resurgent India or
b.)On the whimsical path to Azad Kashmir and dream to be paralyzed into mis-governance and turmoil worse than now (like India’s many neighbors) or
c.) To join the God-forsaken Pakistan, which will be unique for the decades to come in having the Taliban, radical Islamists as well as the Americans against itself and yet serving as their battle theatre, on a plummeting social and economic base.
The radical Sangh Parivar and the dream of ‘Akhanda Bharat’ should take the reality bite and it is time Kashmir and Indian subconscious woke up to the reality. It is Kashmir’s call for the future!
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Walker's Algorithm
The Foreword!
I’m as flustered about life and people as you are however order is a way of life hence I’ve done my best in the manor of the civilized beings to classify, categorize, analyze and interpret the immediate society.. You may be tempted to ridicule it or adorn it as the spice of your life, either way you cannot ignore it…… so tarnish it or ornate it, read through coz that’s why I’m writing it…..
The Walker’s Algorithm : PART I
Point A: The Runtime Environment
The R&D on this algorithm is done over the VIT University sample space and preliminary subjects are persons of opposite sex, any deviation whatsoever has not been recorded.
In terms of hangout options, VIT Universe is a God forsaken place, an oasis of scenic and landscaped beauty perched amidst a concrete jungle that sprouts from the middle of no where in the largely barren western edge of the Katpadi selection-grade town panchayat.
The developers strongly believe that this algorithm can be applied at any campus/workplace/colony verdant with wide and peaceful roads or park-like environs with obvious counterparts of function points and topography described, however the availability of long walking track is quintessential for optimal performance.
We’ve included the official Lover’s Guidebook Map 2007, please download and enlarge if not clear! Changes will be updated with the 2008 version subsequently prior to its release!
Point B: Subject Capture
Taking a typical culture in our Petri-dish i.e. the campus, people arrive here become “frands” and the group grows, girls remain constant and guys undergo all basic arithmetic operations (+,-,*, /) within the group. There definitely is our heroine, the sweet pretty girl and there unquestionably is the desi stud, we would call this sample as ALPHA. And as the group stabilizes, the banter, the hangouts, the trips and parties get merrier! Till comes the ‘wo din’ (vaguely translated as that fateful day) of the eye contact and the awkwardness that sets in and Ah! The harbinger of eternal hope in its atomic form is born!
Over a period of days and weeks (in worst case losers even months) the Alpha bond becomes ever stronger, the duo find no solace in the group (involvement in which has by now become a passion, pride and religion for the others), they feel aloof and out of the world, isolated lighthouses winking at each other amidst a sea of people! Wah Wah!
They burn out their keypads with a zillion SMSs, especial thanks to service providers for carrying forth the delivery report in dearth of which the network is flooded with the same message until it’s delivered!
Here the algorithm really snaps at the speed Einstein called c, thanks to developments in Mobile Telephony and Discount Technology, one fine evening fatefully the last one for a long time to come, the Alpha male switches on to the “frands” special mobile pack with 4 close friends (which are obviously hers and not his) @30p and the golden goose Alpha Female @10p per min. Messaging gives way to late night calls, and every washroom, corridor, staircase, court…. filled with such confidence doubled Alpha males. Shut doors, dim lit rooms are the order of the night, the cheesiest songs make sense now and in no time does the junta get the ‘hints’ and ‘uski bandi’ (loosely translated as his chic/misery) is now invading the hostel lingo. And yes the wait is over! The time has come! We’re ready to enter the walker’s algorithm!
Point C: Inception and its agents
The tenets of logic and reason that ruled the male bastion and shaped the Alpha male’s world so far are threatened by a dangerous virus known only as the “Mush!” symptomatic with red-cheeks on hearing “honeybunch, sugarplum, lovey dovey, janu, sweetoo” and an awful lot more, its already made its way into the domain data dictionary. This extra sugar, over care (like too much milk and sugar) would spoil the taste of rum for us but for the Alpha’s its all the Lassi that matters!
Agent M
M is essentially the catalyst, troubleshooter, counselor, initiator, preservative and a close common friend of the Alphas… to put it simply please welcome Mediatoricus the demigod of multi tasking who “knows” how you feel and “understands” what you want!
In 99.9% of the samples surveyed, M is a female entity…logic is simple as not putting two swords in a scabbard; the quiver can do with many arrows ;-)
The troika capsule now detaches from the command ship main group, tethered only through M, the main group meanwhile suffers from bouts of perplexia as “what’s on yaar” but Alas! The dragon has been unleashed and if you didn’t realize it, its time to call a spade.. A Spade!
The Alphas and M now stick together for most part of the living day, food courts, canteens, coffee-shops pass by and at each of these pit-stops on the laps of the Dakar (not the real African one, its literally a burp!) Rally they spend! Oh! I’m sure you have sympathies with our chivalrous alpha male who’s already set bit operator high enough to “burn my cash baby!” mode.
There’s nothing romantic about it, there’s nothing official about it so far, and since M is present the Mush resigns to night calls and good night, good morning, good afternoon SMS iterative sequences.
The First Day at Cool!
The flights stabilized now and the Alphas hint M that they don’t need the trainer anymore and as she “understands” it, M bails out leaving them on their own!
Don’t ward off M, if she’s a simplymarry.com super specialty agent she would tend to other livestock!
Sleepless and foodless nights are all story book romance now…frankly! The journey begins with a mushy Mush! And hushy Hush! At the Condivia [set all flags to ‘Hey’] and they walk at snails pace to reach pit-stop PS 1, the food court-spend cash-move along the grand trunk to reach PS-2, the coffee is sacrificed by some, from where they again take route to PS 3, The Long Canteen-spend cash-drag at snails pace for the item of the day (can be ice-creams at Aavin’s, Coffee at Akka’s), they’re tired now and it’s the streets are too “crowded”. Its time for “lets sit somewhere” and the favorites here are Green mounts, Akka’s coffee corner, Lovers stairs I and II and determining exactly who will sit where is purely situational, all of them are equally holy to the algorithm for here its is that they sat! The road now leads back to Condivia, it’s still another hour before darkness falls and we reach it!
To throw some milk in your sambhar, the whistle blows of the security-issued in public nuisance and in-time woes push them back from Condivia [set all flags to ‘na jao saiyya’ (Don’t get lost darling)].
In the background: people notice the first day at cool, the deletion of M is taken as a causality and not casually… hearts break and those hopers against hope (who still believed in the “frands” theory) now run for the dope because its now only in hallucinations that the dream girl will shine for you the signal GREEN, for a long time we mean!
Come on Byabee!! Its on!!
Well, this is to certify that the Alpha’s have united, completely and wholly, you are now allowed to honor them, with figs or flint stones, envy them hate them but you can never ignore them!
In true Indian tradition, many a pals from either side of Alpha jump in to carefully and most officiously do the duty of Laxman Bhaiya and ‘jeeja ki saali’ (the dreaded zenith of cheesiness- the sister-in-law).Proud of having accomplished the ‘propose’, they…… WALK! Because that’s all that they can do, as a nutritional viewpoint its great for the body to experience culinary delights of a cosmopolitan campus, on a financial note we call it ‘recession’!
The art of taxonomy, sister-concern of algorithms can be applied to divide Alpha Kumar (toned down by Mush from the Alpha male that he was) into three distinct types:-
a.) The Flaunter: more concerned about the external and the fact he’s got a GIRL, he’s the odd guy who floundered with his appearance and now goes fluctuating in low and high confidence modes depending on seeing people’s reactions on seeing him in algorithm.
b.) Metropolinas: the usual big city guy, uses ‘f*ck’, ‘macha’, ‘dude’, ‘bitches’ as speech punctuators, the pub monger, the disc deewana (mad-man), the rapper dude who jus got up the other day only to realize I’m outta this world! (pseudo intellectuals, Ganza-man etc. can be internal subdivisions).
c.) ‘Pavam’: nice dedicated server who from day one goes “committed”, polite to every one who eyes at him and treats everybody who sees his ‘her’ as an Afghan warlord through a sniper crossbar.
This phase, apart from the cash is typically the staple diet for the algorithm and it is thus the longest iterative algorithm. Though a certain algorithmic routine at love may bore almost all of us, the Alpha’s are blissfully a world apart as for them these are not roads, they are boulevards of heaven and these belligerent security guards, a grim reminder of omnipresent evil around us!
With each iteration, the flippancy, if at all sublimes and the love code is now burnt on to the chips of their brains.
Contact and whatever you may wish to imagine in this section, is usually in the good bye drama sequences in the vicinity of Condivia and if you’re lucky you might spot a rather elusive but exotic ‘Dilwale Dulhaniya…’ (Vampires took the Bride) types I-turn, u-turn buh! bye! sequences.
‘Good night with take care’ messages storm the network as though the lad’s to be drafted the next morning for a posting in Ladakh or the likes. This is how they days go by.. for now!
I’m as flustered about life and people as you are however order is a way of life hence I’ve done my best in the manor of the civilized beings to classify, categorize, analyze and interpret the immediate society.. You may be tempted to ridicule it or adorn it as the spice of your life, either way you cannot ignore it…… so tarnish it or ornate it, read through coz that’s why I’m writing it…..
The Walker’s Algorithm : PART I
Point A: The Runtime Environment
The R&D on this algorithm is done over the VIT University sample space and preliminary subjects are persons of opposite sex, any deviation whatsoever has not been recorded.
In terms of hangout options, VIT Universe is a God forsaken place, an oasis of scenic and landscaped beauty perched amidst a concrete jungle that sprouts from the middle of no where in the largely barren western edge of the Katpadi selection-grade town panchayat.
The developers strongly believe that this algorithm can be applied at any campus/workplace/colony verdant with wide and peaceful roads or park-like environs with obvious counterparts of function points and topography described, however the availability of long walking track is quintessential for optimal performance.
We’ve included the official Lover’s Guidebook Map 2007, please download and enlarge if not clear! Changes will be updated with the 2008 version subsequently prior to its release!
Point B: Subject Capture
Taking a typical culture in our Petri-dish i.e. the campus, people arrive here become “frands” and the group grows, girls remain constant and guys undergo all basic arithmetic operations (+,-,*, /) within the group. There definitely is our heroine, the sweet pretty girl and there unquestionably is the desi stud, we would call this sample as ALPHA. And as the group stabilizes, the banter, the hangouts, the trips and parties get merrier! Till comes the ‘wo din’ (vaguely translated as that fateful day) of the eye contact and the awkwardness that sets in and Ah! The harbinger of eternal hope in its atomic form is born!
Over a period of days and weeks (in worst case losers even months) the Alpha bond becomes ever stronger, the duo find no solace in the group (involvement in which has by now become a passion, pride and religion for the others), they feel aloof and out of the world, isolated lighthouses winking at each other amidst a sea of people! Wah Wah!
They burn out their keypads with a zillion SMSs, especial thanks to service providers for carrying forth the delivery report in dearth of which the network is flooded with the same message until it’s delivered!
Here the algorithm really snaps at the speed Einstein called c, thanks to developments in Mobile Telephony and Discount Technology, one fine evening fatefully the last one for a long time to come, the Alpha male switches on to the “frands” special mobile pack with 4 close friends (which are obviously hers and not his) @30p and the golden goose Alpha Female @10p per min. Messaging gives way to late night calls, and every washroom, corridor, staircase, court…. filled with such confidence doubled Alpha males. Shut doors, dim lit rooms are the order of the night, the cheesiest songs make sense now and in no time does the junta get the ‘hints’ and ‘uski bandi’ (loosely translated as his chic/misery) is now invading the hostel lingo. And yes the wait is over! The time has come! We’re ready to enter the walker’s algorithm!
Point C: Inception and its agents
The tenets of logic and reason that ruled the male bastion and shaped the Alpha male’s world so far are threatened by a dangerous virus known only as the “Mush!” symptomatic with red-cheeks on hearing “honeybunch, sugarplum, lovey dovey, janu, sweetoo” and an awful lot more, its already made its way into the domain data dictionary. This extra sugar, over care (like too much milk and sugar) would spoil the taste of rum for us but for the Alpha’s its all the Lassi that matters!
Agent M
M is essentially the catalyst, troubleshooter, counselor, initiator, preservative and a close common friend of the Alphas… to put it simply please welcome Mediatoricus the demigod of multi tasking who “knows” how you feel and “understands” what you want!
In 99.9% of the samples surveyed, M is a female entity…logic is simple as not putting two swords in a scabbard; the quiver can do with many arrows ;-)
The troika capsule now detaches from the command ship main group, tethered only through M, the main group meanwhile suffers from bouts of perplexia as “what’s on yaar” but Alas! The dragon has been unleashed and if you didn’t realize it, its time to call a spade.. A Spade!
The Alphas and M now stick together for most part of the living day, food courts, canteens, coffee-shops pass by and at each of these pit-stops on the laps of the Dakar (not the real African one, its literally a burp!) Rally they spend! Oh! I’m sure you have sympathies with our chivalrous alpha male who’s already set bit operator high enough to “burn my cash baby!” mode.
There’s nothing romantic about it, there’s nothing official about it so far, and since M is present the Mush resigns to night calls and good night, good morning, good afternoon SMS iterative sequences.
The First Day at Cool!
The flights stabilized now and the Alphas hint M that they don’t need the trainer anymore and as she “understands” it, M bails out leaving them on their own!
Don’t ward off M, if she’s a simplymarry.com super specialty agent she would tend to other livestock!
Sleepless and foodless nights are all story book romance now…frankly! The journey begins with a mushy Mush! And hushy Hush! At the Condivia [set all flags to ‘Hey’] and they walk at snails pace to reach pit-stop PS 1, the food court-spend cash-move along the grand trunk to reach PS-2, the coffee is sacrificed by some, from where they again take route to PS 3, The Long Canteen-spend cash-drag at snails pace for the item of the day (can be ice-creams at Aavin’s, Coffee at Akka’s), they’re tired now and it’s the streets are too “crowded”. Its time for “lets sit somewhere” and the favorites here are Green mounts, Akka’s coffee corner, Lovers stairs I and II and determining exactly who will sit where is purely situational, all of them are equally holy to the algorithm for here its is that they sat! The road now leads back to Condivia, it’s still another hour before darkness falls and we reach it!
To throw some milk in your sambhar, the whistle blows of the security-issued in public nuisance and in-time woes push them back from Condivia [set all flags to ‘na jao saiyya’ (Don’t get lost darling)].
In the background: people notice the first day at cool, the deletion of M is taken as a causality and not casually… hearts break and those hopers against hope (who still believed in the “frands” theory) now run for the dope because its now only in hallucinations that the dream girl will shine for you the signal GREEN, for a long time we mean!
Come on Byabee!! Its on!!
Well, this is to certify that the Alpha’s have united, completely and wholly, you are now allowed to honor them, with figs or flint stones, envy them hate them but you can never ignore them!
In true Indian tradition, many a pals from either side of Alpha jump in to carefully and most officiously do the duty of Laxman Bhaiya and ‘jeeja ki saali’ (the dreaded zenith of cheesiness- the sister-in-law).Proud of having accomplished the ‘propose’, they…… WALK! Because that’s all that they can do, as a nutritional viewpoint its great for the body to experience culinary delights of a cosmopolitan campus, on a financial note we call it ‘recession’!
The art of taxonomy, sister-concern of algorithms can be applied to divide Alpha Kumar (toned down by Mush from the Alpha male that he was) into three distinct types:-
a.) The Flaunter: more concerned about the external and the fact he’s got a GIRL, he’s the odd guy who floundered with his appearance and now goes fluctuating in low and high confidence modes depending on seeing people’s reactions on seeing him in algorithm.
b.) Metropolinas: the usual big city guy, uses ‘f*ck’, ‘macha’, ‘dude’, ‘bitches’ as speech punctuators, the pub monger, the disc deewana (mad-man), the rapper dude who jus got up the other day only to realize I’m outta this world! (pseudo intellectuals, Ganza-man etc. can be internal subdivisions).
c.) ‘Pavam’: nice dedicated server who from day one goes “committed”, polite to every one who eyes at him and treats everybody who sees his ‘her’ as an Afghan warlord through a sniper crossbar.
This phase, apart from the cash is typically the staple diet for the algorithm and it is thus the longest iterative algorithm. Though a certain algorithmic routine at love may bore almost all of us, the Alpha’s are blissfully a world apart as for them these are not roads, they are boulevards of heaven and these belligerent security guards, a grim reminder of omnipresent evil around us!
With each iteration, the flippancy, if at all sublimes and the love code is now burnt on to the chips of their brains.
Contact and whatever you may wish to imagine in this section, is usually in the good bye drama sequences in the vicinity of Condivia and if you’re lucky you might spot a rather elusive but exotic ‘Dilwale Dulhaniya…’ (Vampires took the Bride) types I-turn, u-turn buh! bye! sequences.
‘Good night with take care’ messages storm the network as though the lad’s to be drafted the next morning for a posting in Ladakh or the likes. This is how they days go by.. for now!
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